Tales of Maloki
by superpsychtime
Summary: So I'd like to think I invented the Maleficent/Loki crossover because i thought of it almost immediately several months ago at the mention of a Maleficent movie and since then I have made more fanart of them than I am comfortable admitting. There will be several chapters of this as they are my pride and joy now.
1. Meeting the Family

Loki could already feel it, in his bones, that this was going to be a bad idea.

After a few dozen arguments over how "important family is" and a handful of the saddest, most striking puppy dog eyes he's ever seen on the face of a girl of her beauty, he eventually, had to give in. So there they were, hand in hand, right outside of the Avengers' Mansion (which was nothing more than a glorified clubhouse for his dimwitted brother's friends to run around in, in his personal opinion). He raised his hand to knock, but the door flung open before he could make contact.

"Hello Master Loki and Mistress Maleficent," came a British man's voice whose body he couldn't see, "Mr. Stark and the others are expecting you. Go right up." The only thing crushing his discomfort and suspicion about the disembodied voice was his recollection of Thor warning him beforehand of the security system known as "J.A.R.V.I.S." and how he shoudn't freak out about it. He tugged on Mal's hand as he led her inside.

* * *

He should have seen it coming.

None of the "Avengers" as they so called themselves had seen his new partner and only his brother had the vaguest idea of what she looked like. Everytime he tried to go into detail about her, he would become distracted by her simplest features, such as the intimidating arches of her eyebrows, giving her a permanent, sinister look that he couldn't help but be drawn to, or the fullness of her red lips, or those eyes, oh god those eyes, that could bring even the mightiest man to his knees-

And right about then would be where he would get lost in thought, so eventually Thor stopped asking for details and just demanded he bring her over. Loki would have been fine with just showing his most prized possession off to just his brother, but Thor would have nothing less than to introduce her to everyone, and that's what gets him uncomfortable. Maleficent, of course, was fully on board with it, playing on the argument that she recently learned just how important family is. She didn't elaborate on that and he didn't push for details.

So of course, even though it is completely understandable that he couldn't possibly anticipate how the rowdy bunch would react to his new girlfriend, he should have at least foreseen how his own puppy of a brother would've responded.

The second they had stepped in the room, Thor's thunderous voice had boomed, "WHAT ARE THOSE SILK, EBONY THINGS EMERGING FROM YOUR BACK? I LOVE THEM. MAY I TOUCH THEM?" And then he had all but pounced on Maleficent to gain access to her wings before she had even responded an amused "Sure."

Loki's usually expressionless faced burned crimson with shame for his brother's inadequate manners, and he murmured an apology.

"It's fine," whispered Maleficent, "He's being very gentle." Well, at least his Neanderthalic brother had some sense.

A smirk crept up on Loki's face as he turned back around to face the stares of the rest of the group. All of their expressions were wide eyed, as if they'd never seen something out of the ordinary before (he would've thought that their pet hulk would have already rid them of such incredulity). He studied each of their faces; Black Widow's had a hint of disapproval, most likely from the intimidation of another, possibly more attractive female being in the same room as her; Hawkeye, whose attention was, of course, strictly on that of Black Widow; Tony Stark, who was in his Iron Man suit as if it were just a pair of pyjamas to lounge around the house in. Wait, where were the other two? Their pet and Mr. America himself were no where to be seen.

There was a long pause of silence-not counting the "ooo"s and "ahh"s Thor gave every time he found an extra soft feather-until Tony gave a small cough to clear his throat before stepping forward, arm outstretched.

"Hey, I'm Tony. It's nice to finally meet you," he said with his most charismatic smile plastered on his face as he waited for her to grasp his hand for a proper handshake. "Loki wouldn't shut up about-"

He was interrupted by the high pitched scream that came out of Maleficent. Despite Loki being caught off guard by this, as Tony had done nothng more but simply offer her one of the human appropriate gestures of acquaintanceship, he still did not hesitate to forcefully push Tony off of her while yelling "Unhand her!" for good measure. He could feel his face burning red with anger but that's what a good boyfriend would do, right? Protect his woman at all costs? His reponse was completely acceptable. However, perhaps pulling out the Chitauri Scepter, that had been hidden underneath his robe the whole time, was a bit of an overreaction.

"For Christ's sakes," hissed Tony as he made his way towards them again, "We said no weapons-"

"Whoa whoa, what seems to be the problem?" Steve Rogers, with his impeccably good timing, came between Stark and Loki, placing a hand on Stark's chest to calm him. He turned his head to look at Loki and said "What did Tony do this time?"

The sudden gasp Tony gave in response to that could be labelled nothing short of 'dramatic'. "Why do you ASSUME I did something?"

"He burned my lady's hand," Loki intervened. "Completely on purpose!"

"That's not true!" Tony yelled.

"I SAW HIM BURN THE WINGED LADY'S HAND. DO NOT LIE, MAN OF IRON."

"What Tony probably means is," Bruce Banner said appearing seemingly out of nowhere, "He didn't mean to burn her on purpose."

"Yeah exactly!" Pride filled Tony's chest to see his science bud clear his name.

Banner went on. "It would have been impossible for him to know how she would react to iron-"

"Yeah exactly!"

"Due to his crippling lack of intelligence."

"Yeah- Wait what?" Tony abruptly stopped nodding his head in agreement while Steve surpressed a smile. Natasha and Clint showed no such courtesy and outright laughed at Tony's expense.

"Well it's obvious," Banner continued with certainty, "That she's a fairy, correct? And of course, everyone with at least a third grade intelligence knows that iron harms fairies, obviously."

Tony, the king of comebacks, was speechless for a few crucial seconds as the laughter of his soon to be ex-friends grew louder behind him. The only thing stopping him from going up to his ex-best friend and smacking that cocky grin off of his face was A, if he did that, Bruce would probably turn into the Hulk immediately and well, eat him or something and B, Steve's hand was still on his chest and he was looking at him with those apologetic blue eyes of his and he rather liked how comforted that combination made him feel.

With those first few precious seconds lost, Tony attempted a half-baked comeback just for the principle of it. "Well excuuuuuse me for not attending the Mythical School of Fae as a child!" This caused Thor, Banner, and Maleficent to join in on the laughter now and even Loki let out a chuckle or two.

As the laughter started to die down, Loki asked, with the most serious face he could muster, given the circumstances, "Does this mean I can incinerate him now?"

Rogers quickly turned around at that, looking absolutely horrified. Boy, couldn't this kid take a joke?

"Absolutely not!" Steve said, defensively crossing his arms and standing in front of Tony. Loki couldn't help but notice how pleased Tony looked with that.

Maleficent, who was still having her wings delicately stroked by Thor despite everything, pulled Loki close and whispered to him, "Loki, dear, you know it's quite alright. I heal instantly as you already know."

Loki turned to look at her and tried to focus on her hat that covered the horns that he almost worshiped, instead of gazing into her eyes, lest he get lost in them. "I know," he whispered back, "I just really need an excuse to end him." Maleficent giggled because of this remark and he was so pleased that he looked down to see her face light up from laughter and oh- There were those eyes again. He swore that those eyes alone contained all the hypnotic power that his staff carried and more, and he would be afraid of it if he didn't love it and her. "He's annoyed me since day one."

Her hypnotic eyes were twinkling for crying out loud and he'd be lying if he said he didn't succumb to their power everytime. All the other inhabitants seemed to fade from the room, or at least from Loki's mind, as he focused on nothing but Maleficent. Involuntarily, as if it were as natural as breathing, he leaned down and met her full red lips with his own thin ones, and everything else except for them completely disappeared.

The unexpected kiss caused Maleficent's wings to flare out and spread in opposite directions, making one particular thunder god lose his place of the feathers he had been counting.

"BROTHER, ALTHOUGH I AM TREMENDOUSLY HAPPY THAT YOU ARE HAPPY, PLEASE DO KISS YOUR FEMALE AT A LATER TIME, WHAT I AM DOING IS VITALLY IMPORTANT."

Both Mal and Loki uttered a soft laugh without breaking their kiss. His brother sure did have tendency to have the mindset of that of a three year old who skipped his nap and was being denied a chocolate bar. They probably would've ended their kiss, just to appease Thor if nothing else, but instead they pretended not to hear him. Just as it was mentioned before, everything in the room, except for them, had completely disappeared.


	2. How I Met Your Mother

Never before, in all her years, had she thought it possible to hate a living thing with the fury and passion she hated him with.

If given the time, Maleficent could fill a book with all of the crimes King Stefan had committed for which she hated him so dearly. On the top of the list would be him stealing her wings as she slept. She had _trusted_ him, with her life no less. They had been in love, and those years had been the happiest of her life. But alas, they had been a lie.

Scratch the whole wing thing being on the top of her list, surely him making her fall in love was his worst crime. He had wickedly gained her trust over the years, merely for him to be rewarded with a king's position after capturing her wings, leaving her with the raw end of the deal.

So naturally, a plan of revenge was in order.

Some may label her 'dramatic' whereas others may say 'evil genius,' but above all else, Maleficent saw herself as a creature of love. Yearning to love and be loved, that's all she ever really wanted.

Well, that, and power, if she's being honest.

So when she made the decision to curse King Stefan's first born daughter, admittedly power was the only goal ringing in her ears at the time. Her search for love, and all of its benefits and consequences, was put on hold to say the least.

So there she was, right after her beautifully dramatic entrance (which had taken weeks of planning, thank you very much. Green fire and trained crows did _not_ come cheap).

"I must say," said Maleficent, "I really felt quite distressed not receiving an invitation."

"You're not welcome here," spat King Stefan. Who did he think he was?

Always willing to try plan B, Maleficent gave him one of her signature pouts and put on her glossiest puppy eyes. Even the slightest bit of remorse from the King would have had the potential to spare him and his family from what she was about to do next.

He was unmoved.

Maleficent giggled. "Oh dear," she continued, "What an awkward situation."

"And, you're not offended, your Excellency?" Queen What's-Her-Face dared to speak to her. Maleficent's patience was running out at an alarmingly fast rate.

"Why no your Majesty," cooed Maleficent. "And to show I bear no ill-will, I too, shall bestow a gift onto the child."

And the rest was history. It all came in a blur, more or less. Before Maleficent fully knew what she was saying, she was cursing the child to die on her sixteenth birthday. Death by spinning wheel: how anti-climatic.

Not one to let it show when she's in the wrong, Maleficent promptly left, in an exit even more expensive and dramatic than the entrance, cackling all the while as if all had gone according to plan. But in reality, she had never meant to wish death upon the poor child, she had initially planned for her well-being to be used as a bargaining chip. Her original curse went along the lines of 'Give me back my wings or else your daughter will have the plague for a year' or something along those lines.

But eh, it was too late now.

So Maleficent retreated, back into her forest, knowing good and well that the king would send armies of soldiers after her, if he hadn't already summoned them. Even though she possessed the magic to kill all of them, she wasn't in the mood to deal with them, however, and so she kept walking towards the other side of her forest. She had never wandered this far into her forest before, and as she gazed around at the beauty the scenery held, she wondered what had been stopping her.

Magnificent flowers of an unknown species littered the ground and even covered some of the trees around her. They were all different hues and seemed to be a source of light all their own. She was thankful for them, thankful for one light source on a night with no moon and few stars. She walked until she arrived at a clearing, which held a waterfall, and she had never seen a more splendid one. A feeling of tranquility washed over her, and her body was drawn to the water.

She came closer, and closer, until she finally reached it. She crouched down and immediately submerged her hands into the cool liquid, and felt as though the water cleansed not only her skin, but her soul. She had never felt water such as this before. Surely, she had stumbled across a fountain of youth. Excited by her discovery, she cupped some of the magic water into her hands, and brought it up to her lips.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Maleficent shot up and whipped her head around in search of the source of the voice. She had been sure she was alone.

"Who goes there?" She masterfully kept the tremble out of her voice. It would have been a rookie mistake to let the unidentified voice aware that she was afraid. "State your name and purpose."

Her command was met by a snicker, and then the voice continued from a point behind her.

"You are an adorable creature, m'lady. Has anyone ever told you that?"

She turned around and headed in the direction of the voice, but stopped before she set foot back into the forest. She thought it unwise to retreat back into the place where the unknown threat was, when it obviously seemed uncomfortable coming out into the clearing.

"I'm going to give you until the count of three to reveal yourself. One..."

"Count all you want, that's never worked on me."

"Two..."

"You should know, I take orders from no one." The voice appeared in a different location each time it spoke.

"Thr-"

"Ok, ok." The voice was directly behind her now.

Maleficent spun around and came face to face with a man, who was mere inches away from her, bearing what appeared to be a golden horned helmet and donning a green robe. "Just as I suspected," he continued, staring unashamedly at her, "Absolutely gorgeous." His long, black hair went down to his shoulders, and his countenance was twisted into a cocky smile that she immediately hated. She hated it so much that she wanted to punch the grin right off his face.

And so she did.

One good swing and she connected her knuckle right into one of his sharp cheekbones. It felt good to get some of her anger out, to say the least.

"Ow!" yelled the weird, helmet guy, grabbing his cheek. "What was that for?"

"Stalking me, for one thing. Just be thankful I didn't do a lot worse." She put her hands on her hips defiantly.

"Well pardon me for saving your life, Miss!"

Maleficent furrowed her brow. "What?" Saving her life? At most, he was a potential threat to it.

"Yeah!" He pointed at the waterfall with the hand not grabbing his cheek. "That water is poisoned! You could have_ died!_"

She folded her arms in disbelief and scoffed. "And how do you know? Hmm? Oh let me guess, _you're_ the one who poisoned it." She rolled her eyes, this guy obviously had no idea what he was talking about.

Instead of defending himself, the long haired man instead looked down to the ground and muttered "Well, it was an accident."

Maleficent couldn't believe her ears. "You _did_ poison it!" She punched him in the shoulder. Hard. "You imbecile! Do you know how many animals drink from here? How many plants absorb this water?" Although it probably didn't seem like it to King Stefan and the rest of her kingdom of enemies, she did truly care for her forest and the inhabitants inside of it.

"Ow! Stop hitting me! I'm going to fix my mistake, ok? Goodness gracious you hit hard."

After realizing there was no possible way that this big baby was any type of a threat, it became easier to speak with him. "And how do you plan to do that?" She crossed her arms again, awaiting an answer.

"If you would be so kind as to give me a moment," he said, taking a step back. "I would gladly retrieve my crystal from your pitiful body of water and then be on my way." He turned so swiftly that his robe made a satisfying _swish_ behind him.

_Thank goodness_, thought Maleficent,_ I've found someone more dramatic than me._

She watched as the man reached into the pool of water, splashed around for a bit, and then revealed a blue, crystal like cube. He then proceeded to withdraw a stick from under his robe and place the crystal into the opening of it. Maleficent thought the whole thing quite silly.

"Well," said the grown man who still played with crystals and sticks, "give this source of water at least 24 hours to cleanse itself, and it should be good as new."

"Wh-what is that?" Maleficent said, eyes transfixed on the crystal, suddenly aglow.

"Oh this silly old thing," the cocky smile was back, "Just my Chitauri Scepter, gifted to me by Thanos and the Other." He spun it in the air once, as if it were a baton. "Or were you referring to the Infinity Stone? It's not as awe worthy as you might think, as there are other ones similar to this one, scattered across the universe."

Maleficent closed her mouth. It had opened in awe towards the magic crystal, but she did not want to give this strange man the satisfaction of impressing her. "But, what is it? What does it do?"

"Well, it all has to do with the Tesseract. You see-" He paused when he saw Maleficent's perplexed expression. "But um, that's a story for another time. Basically, it's a weapon. It has the power to do many things, including mind control-"

"Mind control!"

"Yes, that is what I just said. Hey, where are you going?"

Maleficent quickly turned around and began to run away from the strange man with the hypnotic abilities. She had only recently gotten out of Stefan's hold, she couldn't risk another man putting a spell on her.

"Hey! Miss! Wait!"

She didn't stop running but she did turn her head to see the man chasing after her. "Stop following me!" she yelled and then turned back around to watch where she was going. She was back in the forest now, in a part she had never been in before. To make matters worse, the rare, glowing flowers were no where to be seen. She was alone, in the dark, with an odd man in pursuit of her.

"Stop!" she heard him call from somewhere behind her. Thankfully, it sounded as though she had put some good distance in between them.

The second she thought her luck was beginning to change, she felt a sudden yank on her left foot. A piece of rope, seemingly coming from out of no where, sprang around her ankle and pulled her up until she was upside down, hanging from the branch of a tree. When she realized what had happened, she was more humiliated than alarmed. She was getting too old to be caught in such dinky human hunter traps.

And yet, there she was.

When the unfamiliar man finally caught up to her, he was laughing hysterically.

"Was this your doing?" yelled Maleficent. She had had enough of his tricks, accidental or otherwise.

The man abruptly stopped laughing. "What? No! This trap was clearly put together by a novice and a mediocre one at best. I am offended that you think of me as an amateur." This guy apparently had no sense of personal space as he stood face-to-face with her again, even as she hung upside down and swayed side to side slightly.

"Well then how did you know that I shouldn't have been running over here?" Maleficent shot him the best glare she could muster, considering that the blood was rushing to her head.

"I came this way as I searched for my crystal," he explained, "You see, my bonehead brother, Thor, loves to play silly little games that annoy me to no end. One of his favorites being tossing my precious stone onto Midgard and laughing uncontrollably while I attempt to find it." He sighed. "Of course, I do have somewhat of an internal tracking system for things with a magic base, but even that only leads me so far."

Maleficent's face now imitated a brick red hue as the blood continued to rush to her head. Having nothing kind to say to this strange man, she said nothing at all.

"Oh! But where are my manners?" The man began to make his way around the other side of the tree. Not having him fully in her sight made Maleficent uncomfortable, needless to say. "Allow me to help you down!"

After several seconds of twisting and pulling at whatever sort of knots were keeping her suspended, he finally was able to untie them. Slowly, ever so slowly, he lowered her down. Maleficent, of course, landed on her face regardless, but she appreciated the courtesy of him making the process less painful.

Painful in the physical sense, rather. If he had wanted to make it completely painless then he would've spared her the details of the rant that he spewed all the while. She was hardly listening as he went on about his brother not really being his brother or something, and instead she thought ahead to her means of escape. Judging by how the guy basically chased her down to avoid her running into a trap (and how successful that was) she had evidence to assume that he wouldn't let her go very easily. He seemed like the "white knight" type that she tried so desperately to avoid, and so it was going to be difficult to convince him that she was not some princess that needed saving.

"So of course," he continued, "From then on he's always been daddy's _favorite_ and he will never let me forget it!" He untied the last few knots around her ankle as he ranted."There, that should be the end of that."

Ankle now free, Maleficent scooted away from the man to put in some distance between them, and he returned the gesture with a perplexed look. It was as if the notion of her trying to get away from him, still a complete stranger in her eyes, completely baffled him.

_How lucky he is_, she thought,_ to not worry about the fears women constantly look out for._

Of course he wouldn't understand, being a _man_ and whatnot. He rarely had to worry about the potential crimes strangers could commit against them, never had to mentally map out escape routes before engaging with the opposite gender.

Maleficent didn't consider herself weak in any sense of the word, but the memory of having her wings taken by a man she had trusted and being unable to do anything about it was a memory all too fresh in her mind. Just the very thought of Stefan's actions made the blood drain from her face.

"Miss? Are you alright?" He took a timid step closer, not wanting to frighten her any more than he probably already had. "You look quite pale. Did- did I do something to scare you?" His voice was gentler now, more gentle than it had been all night.

Maleficent didn't trust it.

"I am terribly sick. And- and I must be getting back to my home immediately." She turned around and began walking briskly, only to stop when she heard footsteps behind her. "Alone." She began walking once more, this time with no echoing footsteps.

* * *

In the morning she awoke with a dulled but present pain in her head, her left foot numb, and her ankle irritated. Exactly the proof she needed to prove to herself that she hadn't dreamed the events of last night.

Which is exactly what she didn't want.

She groaned.

How would she be able to go about her daily life knowing that there was a stalker in her midst? A stalker with, albeit, impeccable manners, but a stalker who is also a gentleman is still a stalker. With her luck, he probably followed her home.

Pure panic flooded her system. She probably hadn't been as careful as she should have been with the security of her house. She sprang out of bed and ran to the door, berating herself all the while for being so careless. Where were the 10-foot high thorn walls? Where were the guard wolves? Why hadn't she at least spread hemlock on her windows? Did she _want_ to get kidnapped?

She opened the door, half expecting to see him standing on the other side.

What she found instead, she hadn't been expecting at all.


End file.
